The...forever

The laughs. The thoughts.

The tears. The sincerity. The hope.

The care. The joy. The fears. The trials. The temptations.

The kisses. The warmth. The friendships. The dreams. The ideas. The snorting.

The hate. The dances. The inside jokes. The screams.

The love making. The dancing. The pain. The fights. The make ups.

The hugs. The hand holding. The gasps. The sobbing. The calls.

The messaging. The awkwardness. The hurt. The healing. The celebrations.

The miscommunication. The songs. The car rides. The naps. The forgiving.

The not so much forgetting. The grasp. The games. The winning. The losing. The forgotten.

The missed. The stories. The reminiscing. The belting. The pictures. The talks.

The videos. The raps. The slutyness. The lusting. The imagining.

The keep sakes. The memories. The star watching. The road trips. The bonfires.

The hook ups. The love. The groans. The growing. The hate. The promises. The lies. The truth. The lives. The friendships. The relationships.

The time. Time that keeps going. going. and going.

Love Letter

Dear love-

I am sitting here at a crossroads. I am breathing heavily and can not seem to find my way. The signs are flashing as they pass by too fast to read, but I know they are there. I try to scream but my tongue feels stuck to the roof of my mouth as if it knows it will say something it soon will regret. My tears stream down my face and hit the ground with a sharp whistle as if each tear has an individual cry. I stand there naked. With nothing but honesty and truth. As you clothe yourself with lies and fears. I reveal my deepest wounds as you cover yours with self-pity. Oh how I wish you would say those words.... those three words that my ears have so desperately been waiting to hear. "I want you", "I need you", "I am yours". It's no longer a game. For the clock has run out. The lights have been turned off. And the towel has been thrown in. You won. You took the crowd and had them standing in awe. Applauding your strength and courage to crush the one who understood every flaw every turn off every negative aspect about you.... but some reason still stood there with an open heart and a chance. A chance to make things work. Finally. I may have been playing the wrong game. At the wrong time. But every second that passed I thought of you. Every breathe. You crossed my mind. Oh how I still feel your lips and touch and warmth. But soon I will no longer feel your lips. No longer feel your touch. Soon will be cold. As cold as you were when you let me go. I fell. I fell so hard. Fell for your charm. Your lies. Your everything. And as I fell my heart broke. Broke into pieces so small that they could fit in a hole of a needle. You no longer are able to fix this. You are no longer able to make it better with sorry. For sorry is no longer in your vocabulary. I am not saying goodbye to you. But I am letting you go. But I will try to fix what I have broken before I leave. Before I walk out holding back the tears you so occasionally cause me to cry. I am strong but when it comes to you I am weak. Constantly looking back and no longer watching for what is in front of me. Soon will miss the sign. The sign that you displayed for me. The sign that reveals reality. The reality that I will never hold you. Will never have all of you. Will never look into your eyes and know that everything I gave to you was worth it. For you no longer look at me. You have turned away. Afraid to see what you could so easily possess. Because you love... are afraid of yourself. Afraid of what could be.

Chances

As the year begins everyone changes something about them in some way. If it is a new work out routine or eating regimen. It may be not watching TV more than two hours or to get eight hours of sleep. It could even be not obsessing over a certain someone or a goal to read those all time favorite books you have had your eye on. No matter what that new years resolution may be, it always has something to do with taking a chance or changing something in your life. Why must we need a new year be the reason we go out there and make our life better? There are no restrictions that say we can not go. That we can not take a chance now. But in our minds we think "hey, new year... new me!" For example... It's a new year and I am going to go out into this new year world and breathe! Just breathe. As Taylor Swift so beautifully sings. "Breathe without you... but I have to." What else can we do? If we don't accept what he are given in life then we will just plan out suffocate. We can try to change our lives but working out to get that boy to notice you or reading novels that take you away from reality must be for yourself. Not to change or take a chance for someone else, because they don't have to deal with the pain or the dissapointment of not achieving that goal. Walking up to a cliff to see if you can fly to impress someone and taking that leap and realizing that you are just destined to fall. The one you jumped for doesn't feel every bone break... No... they see an idiot who thought they could fly. :) As the new year starts take a chance. For you. No one else. Because even though it can involve them it doesn't fully affect them the way it affects you.

And that chance can be telling someone exactly how you feel about them or walking away from someone you know only hurts you by staying. But no matter what that chance or change may be, remember to breathe. Cuz as the pain feels almost unbearable and eternal. It will get better. You will be healed. You will breathe. Because if you don't... well your dead. And if you die. No one can love you the way you loved. And there is someone out there to love you the way you deserved to be loved.